5. The “never enough” mantra of our culture tempers vulnerability and creates shame.


It doesn’t take much to be inspired by high and lofty thoughts like “daring greatly,” but we may feel emotionally conflicted. On the one hand, we desire to courageously make ourselves vulnerable, but on the other hand we feel inadequate to actually do it. It takes more than a spur of inspiration to be vulnerable because to do so challenges culture.

Our culture is saturated in fear. This fear creates a strong drive for self-protection. Before we even get out of bed in the morning, we’re plagued with thoughts about how we don’t have enough time, didn’t get enough done, didn’t say the right words, didn’t eat the right foods, etc. On an unconscious level, this scarcity mindset creates shame. Shame is distinct from guilt. We feel guilty when our actions were not enough; we feel ashamed when we believe that we are not enough. Thoughts of shame can take root quickly, and before we know it we feel ashamed at just existing because in some way or another, we’re never enough.

Scarcity doesn’t take hold of a culture overnight, but with the expansion of media-driven comparison and unreasonable expectations for what can be accomplished in a 24-hour day, there is deep shame. We’re not ashamed of our collective identity as Americans, but because enough individuals are struggling with the issue of worthiness, shame is silently shaping our culture. Understanding shame, vulnerability, and our emotional lives is not secondary to reforming the education system, meeting the needs of the homeless, or any other worthy endeavor. The shame we carry directly affects how we educate, advocate, and lead.

 
Loading the player...