What best predicts success? Is it education? Life experience? Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves argue that more than special knowledge or skills, emotional intelligence (EQ) is an accurate predictor of success in life and work. Emotional intelligence is what separates high achievers from low achievers. You may be smart, but if you aren’t self-aware, able to interpret your own emotions or read other individuals or groups, then your success will be hampered. The good news is that emotional intelligence is not fixed. It’s a skill that can be developed. Emotional Intelligence 2.0  clarifies what emotional intelligence is, and offers suggestions for improving your ability to deal effectively with self and others.

Effectively managing our emotions is a normal part of life. This makes emotional intelligence an imperative skill, because we need it every day. Emotions will dominate if we’re not careful. This is a common problem, because the biological deck is stacked in favor of emotion. Whatever we experience enters the brain through the spinal cord in the form of electrical signals. These signals pass through the brain’s emotional center, called the limbic system, before making their way back to the brain’s reasoning center. So we feel things before our reason gets a grasp of the situation. This isn’t an inferior arrangement, just something we need to be aware of. Ideally, there is a steady flow of communication between the brain’s centers of reason and emotion.

Studies are revealing that IQ is an unreliable predictor of success in professional and private life. A growing body of research shows that EQ explains success far better. A comprehensive battery of tests (500,000 people) revealed that only thirty-six percent of participants could accurately identify their emotions as they experience them. This means that the vast majority don’t know how to harness their emotions for personal and professional betterment, and instead get dragged around by their emotions. So plenty of book-smart people enter the workplace, but far fewer can read a room or effectively negotiate in the heat of a debate or handle other pressure-filled challenges. Sound decision-making under pressure comes from self-awareness and familiarity with emotion.

Without self-possession, emotions will run the show. Everyone has those little things that set them off for some reason, and distract them from the things that matter. You cannot control your initial emotions, but you can control the ways you think about the experiences and their attendant emotions. As your EQ improves, you’ll be able to identify those emotions and the conditions under which they surface. It’s often related to personal history.

EQ explains almost sixty percent of performance in work, regardless of the industry or position. There is a strong positive correlation between EQ and income. It’s the best determinant of drive in leadership and pursuit of excellence. Maximizing EQ tends to lead to higher pay and greater satisfaction with work and with life generally.

IQ, EQ, and personality are three distinct domains that determine how a person thinks, emotes, and responds to situations. IQ and personality are fairly fixed, but EQ is flexible; it’s a skill that can be learned. So make the most of it, because it can make an enormous difference in your life. 

The four domains that make up emotional intelligence fall under two main sections: personal competencies and social competencies. The personal competencies are self-awareness and self-management. The two social competencies are social awareness and relationship management.

Self-awareness is the ability to identify your own emotions as they arise. This involves knowing the particular situations, struggles and people that elicit certain emotional responses. Growing in this area can be uncomfortable because it requires thinking through emotions—some of which are certain to be dark and negative, but this is the best way to pinpoint their origins. Self-awareness is less about untangling any ulterior motives you may have, and more about developing a higher understanding of the things that set you off.

Merely thinking in terms of self-awareness is enough to set you on a course toward improvement. This skill helps you lay the groundwork for the other three. Growth in this skill will set you up for growth in the others.

It’s easy to gravitate toward what’s comfortable, and turn away from what is not. We miss out on the beauty and growth that are on the other side of struggle so long as we are intent on avoiding facing our shortcomings.

Self-management refers to the actions you take (or don’t take) in response to your emotions. Indications of good self-management skills are the capacity to brave uncertainty and ambiguity as you investigate your emotional state and its causes, the ability to postpone short-term gains, and resisting knee-jerk reactions for the sake of a higher good. Skilled self-managers keep their cool amidst difficult circumstances without buckling under the weight.

Social awareness is the knack for seeing what is really going on in group dynamics. It’s the ability to read between the lines of what people do and say, understanding their feelings, even when your feelings are completely different than the emotions others are experiencing. Listening and observing is key. The anthropologist is a paragon of social awareness, watching people interact without disrupting the exchange with his own feelings and opinions. Unfortunately, you do not have the same luxury of observing from a distance. Social awareness is not useful if you’re detached from the situations at hand. The challenge with social awareness is to accurately perceive the emotions of others while you’re in the social fray yourself.

Relationship management is an outworking of the first three skills (i.e., self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness). Relationships are most effectively built and strengthened when people can perceive their own emotions as well as the emotions of others, and regulate self accordingly. Managing relationships is most difficult in times of stress. With over two-thirds of those surveyed admitting that they do not deal with stress effectively, it’s clear why good relationships can be tough to maintain. Conflicts are inevitable, and, if people do not have the skills to navigate those conflicts, then they will strain relationships instead of strengthening them.

Learning how to think about what you’re feeling - and take proactive, constructive action in accordance with those feelings - strengthens the pathways between the brain’s centers of feeling and reason. The more frequently you think and act in those terms, the more embedded they will become in the structure of your brain. You’re hearing this right: the decisions you make literally shape your brain, thanks to its neuroplasticity. As you set new patterns, your brain will process new actions and situations with great efficiency over time, meaning less work for you and the gray matter. By applying strategies for EQ growth, neurons will form a network of new connections. Altering habits can be taxing, because you’re used to processing events in particular ways. The rewiring is not easy, but if it means developing habits of more constructive responses to situations, then it is worth it.

As you begin to hone these emotional intelligence skills, bear in mind that you’re after improvement—not perfection. No one fires on all cylinders, especially when trying something new. Keep practicing, and have patience with yourself along the way. 

To build self-awareness, it may be helpful to start viewing your feelings more neutrally. Positive emotions are not inherently good and negative emotions are not inherently bad; they simply are. They are trying to tell us something; so do your best to listen. Emotions are also temporary, so allow them to run their course and observe them dispassionately, not reading too much into the good moods or the bad. Don’t just pay attention to how they affect you, but also how they affect those around you.

When you experience discomfort, don’t run from it, but press into it, and observe it. What are your preferred methods of dealing with discomfort and stress? Naturally, this will not be the most pleasant experience; but you will learn more about yourself, about who and what makes you tick, and you will come to handle moments of discomfort with increasing finesse instead of viewing them as the end of the world.

Consider keeping a journal of your emotions. This is a good way to remind yourself of your ticks, and to keep your journey in perspective. 

We are similar to volcanoes in the sense that eruptions are preceded by their early rumblings and tremors. These are warnings that we must pay attention to. Self-management is not about successfully keeping emotions below the surface, but alleviating the pressure so you don’t accidentally spew molten magma at your co-workers and kids.

Taking deep breaths is actually an important technique. The brain, which is the seat of both reason and emotion, utilizes twenty percent of the oxygen that the lungs process. So the shallow breathers out there—which is most of us—are unknowingly preventing their brain from functioning at an optimal level. This leaves many living in a mental fog, unable to identify their emotions and respond appropriately. 

Tell other people your goals, so their expectations can be realistic and they can hold your feet to the fire. Make sure you get sufficient sleep, and don’t forget to smile and laugh—both sleep and laughter are linked to better performance and overall wellbeing. Schedule times for activities that recharge you. Learn from people with good self-management abilities, and discuss problems with people who are not emotionally involved.

Greet people by their name; it’s a recognition of something foundational to their sense of identity. Stay present and alert in social situations. It’s always a temptation to indulge the inner dialogues that constantly clamor for your attention; but if you’re in your head, your social awareness will plummet. Make eye contact, and listen to what people are actually saying. Resist the urge to rehearse and plan your response while they are still talking, and do not interrupt.

At meetings, instead of taking notes, keep your head up and learn to read the nonverbal queues of others in the room. It’s also fine to test a hypothesis about an individual’s or group’s mood. If someone seems sad or upset, then consider asking that person. Right or wrong, inquiring about their emotional state can communicate care, and it will help you gauge the accuracy of your hunches.

First impressions come more easily than relationship maintenance. No relationship worth its salt is completely effortless. Meaningful relationships require emotional intelligence to navigate. It’s up to you to do your part in maintaining and enhancing the relationships in your life.

Maintaining healthy relationships will mean difficult conversations. Do not shy away from these. Openness to others in private life and an open-door policy in professional life will allow others to feel free to share their thoughts. This also builds trust, which is vital to any healthy relationship. Give feedback that will build people up, not leave them demoralized and confused. Be able to handle criticism without getting upset. “Please” and “thank-you” are still the magic words; they grease the social rails, and are a way of recognizing the dignity of others.