In his book Setting the Table, famous restaurateur Danny Meyer shares the secret to his success: a concept he calls enlightened hospitality. Working chronologically through his life until 2005, Meyer reveals his personal triumphs and struggles as he entered and eventually dominated the restaurant business. He leads the reader through his journey of building connections, taking risks, and eating plenty of food, and also breaks down and redefines hospitality. The concept of enlightened hospitality must apply not only to the waiter-customer relationship, but also throughout the business. Ultimately, Meyer says the book should not be viewed as a strict set of rules for success, but his personal story with advice that will assist and encourage up-and-coming restaurateurs, and owners of all kinds of businesses.

How does the phrase “I’m on your side” make you feel? A guest feels hospitality when he believes you’re on his side, when something is actively being done for the customer rather than to him. Hospitality is critical when communicating with customers. From the very first interaction of booking a reservation to the end of the dining experience, the emphasis must be on “rooting for” the customer. Language can reflect hospitality; what once was, “There are no tables available at that time,” becomes, “I will put you on the top of the waitlist, but here is the nearest time I can reserve a table for you just in case.” A change in phrasing can instantly strengthen the customer-restaurant relationship. 

Actions also reflect hospitality, such as leaving a comment card with the receipt so customers can share opinions and reviews of the night with a guaranteed response from the restaurant. When customers feel they have a stake in the improvement or success of the business, and when they are treated kindly and respectfully by employees, they feel a greater sense of loyalty. A cohesively hospitable experience for the diners is key; all the employees a diner interacts with must craft it.

Of course, this level of cohesion begins with hiring the right people. The “51 Percent Solution” proves helpful here.  It proposes that 51 percent of a person’s hireability is his or her emotional ability and capacity for hospitality. The other 49 percent is dedicated to technical skills. Prioritizing emotional ability over technical ability is key because while customers want to be treated well and professionally, a waiter that is also kind, understanding, and accommodating is guaranteed to make the guests want to return. Technical skills are basic and can be taught and improved at any time, but there is no way to teach and grow emotional intelligence.

Technical skills are also highly impersonal and repetitive, and can grow stiff and robotic. On the other hand, having a professional waiter who also shines with a bright and welcoming personality puts a guest at ease. Such hospitality creates the opportunity to build connections and form relationships, making the restaurant and the dining experience a safe space for the guests.

After starting and developing a strong core of employees, growth is inevitable. As a business advances, it must think like a team and consider what is truly best for the business and for its community, disregarding the urge to hastily chase novelty. An expansion should never be considered if it isn’t groundbreaking and exciting, yet still a sure and beneficial choice. Risk taking is dangerous, especially when businesses rush. When a spark of passion and inspiration hits, it is difficult yet necessary to slow down and work through the possible benefits and disadvantages of the new idea. How will this change affect the business community? If this change does not benefit the entire business, it is simply not worth it.

Would you rather have a waiter who is rigid, mechanical, and efficient, or one who is welcoming, warm, helpful, and friendly? The first waiter provides service, while the second provides hospitality. Service is intended to be universal, while hospitality is “one size fits one.” Providing it requires emotional ability, which is comprised of six characteristics: optimistic warmth, intelligence, work ethic, empathy, self-awareness, and integrity.

Optimistic warmth is the stepping stone from service to hospitality. Being warm and inviting is critical because it makes the guest feel that they are heard, understood, and valued. No one likes an inattentive waiter or one who values other customers first. An optimistically warm waiter ensures your cup never runs dry, your food is always to your liking, all accommodations possible are provided, and that your overall experience is pleasant. It is more than clearing plates, and is a step up from “invisible” waiters who believe the job ends at serving food. Optimistic warmth also entails interacting with the customer to create a relationship and valuable memories, and actively inviting the customer to return, perhaps to that same waiter’s table. A positive attitude can be just as beneficial, if not better, than amazing service. 

Intelligence and work ethic within hospitality transcend the requirement to simply “know how to do x, y, and z.” An intelligent and hospitable employee is ever seeking improvement, always wanting to learn, and always willing to be taught. When such a person incorporates innovation and personalization into professionalism, his or her career takes an upward trajectory. Similarly, a work ethic motivated by hospitality turns a tasklist into a list of practices an employee “gets” to do rather than “has” to do. An employee’s main goal should be to do one’s best at work, rather than just working for money or praise. A hospitable work ethic necessarily precludes selfishness, allowing the waiter or employee to focus his or her efforts solely on the customer.

Empathy is a rare gift, and can be difficult to maintain within a restaurant setting. Many restaurant workers have seen the backstage workings of the restaurant far too much to be empathetic to a guest who has complaints. Empathy goes hand-in-hand with self-awareness and integrity. When patience runs thin, it is critical to know one’s limits and step away. Maintaining constant hospitality is neither easy nor sustainable. Like all humans, restaurant employees run out of energy, time, patience, and restraint. An employee must use his or her best judgment and have an authentic view of him or herself, even if it requires being aware of potentially negative attributes. A deep self-awareness cultivates the best qualities in an employee.

Managers should see each customer as a “dot” and  constantly seek connections between the business and its customers, and among the customers themselves. Individual qualities such as where customers are from, their professions, their goals, etc. are opportunities to improve each customer’s experience, even outside of the business. This is a key tool in “enlightened hospitality,” as it makes the customers feel cared for and that they have a stake in the business. Creating shared experiences brings the customer closer to the business and makes them feel more at home. In order to have a customer return, he or she has to make some sort of connection with the business.

 Between customers, one can use “benevolent manipulation” of dots by creating shared spaces for those in similar work circles to spark conversation and enrich the guests’ experience. Perhaps a well-known children’s literature author could be seated close to a new illustrator. If one recognizes the other, a conversation begins and a new business deal could be made, a collaboration could take place, or one could have an excellent reference to “bring with me next time I come here.” In a new restaurant, seating a food critic close to a well-respected friend in the restaurant business could boost the restaurant’s profile in the critic’s view, and help him or her understand the eatery’s finer and more personal nuances.

 Connecting dots between customers and employees is important, too. A waiter who knows some facts about the diners he serves can create a more enjoyable experience and build common ground and shared experiences between the guests and the business.

Meyer described one of his own such interactions with a couple from Kansas City, discussing barbecue sauce. After they shared about the barbecue back home, Meyer offered them a taste of the new Kansas City-inspired sauce, eager to learn their opinion. They said it tasted “just like home.” Not only were the customers’ palates satisfied, but they also left feeling they had contributed to the restaurant by providing their hometown  impressions of the sauce.

No one likes a boss who refuses to interact with his or her employees. Hospitality is a leader’s dialogue with guests and employees alike, not a monologue. An inhospitable boss is usually one who leads from the top down rather than the bottom up. In order to have a successful business, leadership must prioritize even the lowest level of employees by working from the bottom up. In the restaurant business, the servers are most plentiful and in need of the most support. It is critical that these “front line” employees are immersed in a strong culture of hospitality, even hospitality directed toward them.

 To achieve this, the leader must set the standard and exemplify how employees must act consistently with the business’s standards. Everything in a business ripples out from a leader’s actions and attitude, so he or she must keep employees consistently informed of the status of the business and any relevant news. Being a successful and hospitable leader requires constant communication. The leader must be willing to treat employees with enough respect that he or she actively shares concerns or praises about the business, and also listens to any employee’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. When an employee is the first face a customer sees at the business, it is critical that the employee receives the same attention and concern as the customer.

 A successful leader shows nine qualities: an infectious attitude, self-awareness, charitable assumption, a long-term view of success, a sense of abundance, trust, approving patience and tough love, not feeling threatened by others, and character. These qualities combine to create a leader whom employees love because of his or her willingness to hear concerns, be involved in the business directly, and mirror the qualities he or she wants the business to reflect.

From a bottom-up perspective, imagine the leader as the seeds of a great plant. The leader must ensure that he or she is the “right seed” before growing a business. The petal, an employee, cannot be responsible for determining the plant.

A business’s success is not determined by a lack of mistakes, but by how the business recovers from and actively solves problems. Imagine a surfer. A good surfer develops skill by conquering increasingly intense waves, not by avoiding them. Solving problems enhances skills and prepares a business for more pressing challenges in the future. 

Many problems can be solved quietly and quickly when a customer isn’t involved, but how should an employee handle a customer who was served spoiled lettuce in a salad? The “5 A’s” —awareness, acknowledgement, apology, action, and additional generosity—can be useful tools to not only solve a problem, but to leave the customer happier than before.

Awareness is intentional. If a business chooses to turn a blind eye to a problem, that only causes more problems and an unsuccessful business. A business that refuses to grow will never get far. In a similar manner, when a business is aware of a slip-up, admitting the mistake is critical. Then, one must begin a narrative with the disgruntled customer and make an apology. 

A sincere apology makes it clear that a business would never intentionally treat a customer in an inhospitable manner. From there, the business can take action and try to fix the mistake, attempting to restore the customer experience to its condition before the mistake occurred. Nonetheless, the business still has an opportunity to go above and beyond and reach out one more time to give additional generosity to the customer. For example, instead of only receiving a replacement salad, the customer is also given a free entree. 

The key to success isn’t always prioritizing the customer. A successful business is a cycle of hospitality between employees, guests, community, suppliers, and investors. First, employees must learn how to be hospitable to each other. A business needs to operate as a team, and each member has a duty to look out for one another. When employees have healthy and productive relationships at work, they are more likely to deliver better hospitality and service. Once that foundation is set, the business is equipped to deliver great service to guests. Hospitality must remain a dialogue, so servers are not called to perform a distant show for the guests, but to communicate and interact with guests, making them feel that they have an equal stake in the business’s success. The goal of a server is to end the night with an improved relationship with his or her guests.

A business and its suppliers should have common values and standards. Working details such as shipping dates and price points can usually be negotiated and adjusted.  Likewise, investors in the business must share common values with existing business leadership, to foster trust and smooth operations. 

Everything has a ripple effect, and a business affects its community. When a business—especially a restaurant—is successful, guests want to share their experiences. Employees of that business want to spread the word, recruiting not only guests but future employees. When businesses invest in the community, they are also investing in themselves. When a restaurant hospitably invests in its community, it opens up more opportunities for growth and attracts new customers.