Since its publication in 1989, Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has sold more than 25 million copies worldwide. Covey’s approach differs from the myriad quick-fix solutions that promise outward change, but neglect to evaluate the character and habits of the person. This book defines a habit as the internalization of principles such as empathy, cooperation, and growth. As Covey shows us, to achieve your goals, you must build your character on a principle-centered foundation.

The most lasting and effective way to transform your character is to align yourself with self-evident and enduring principles. Principles are objective and unchanging laws that govern human effectiveness, growth, and happiness. Examples include fairness, kindness, and integrity. These principles can be discovered in the roots of every society, family, and institution that has prospered throughout history. One way to grasp the self-evident nature of these principles is to imagine trying to live an effective life based on their opposites. Would anyone really consider unfairness, hostility, and deceit a solid foundation for lasting happiness?

Contrary to popular belief, being an effective person is not about gaining fame, fortune, or power—it’s about training your character and behavior to line up with the right principles.

So how do we do start to live based on principles? If we want to develop a principled approach to living, we need to understand the principle of growth. Inherent in growth is the idea of progress. Most people understand the idea of progress in the physical realm. For example, a child crawls, then walks, then runs. Development of physical strength takes time and effort. If you try to implement quick-fix techniques, you will not ultimately succeed in producing the lasting growth you want. Sustainable growth requires patience and discipline. Think about your relationships: to be effective in relating to a husband, wife, child, or co-worker, it is vital that you learn to really listen. You will need patience, openness, and a commitment to understanding. These are all highly developed character qualities that take time and effort to cultivate. It is easier to fake a developed character than a developed physique. In fact, you may even be practiced at “posing” and “putting on” for the public, but you know who you are on the inside. To really grow, you need a character rooted in principles. 

Our self-image tends to be determined by the collection of our past experiences and people’s perceptions of us. This limiting view of self places other people and experiences in the driver seat, determining how we react to life. The only surefire way to overcome this is to practice proactivity. A proactive person knows that how they respond to their circumstances is completely up to them. They choose to respond in ways that line up with their truest values and goals. Being proactive leads to a kind of freedom because you’re no longer defined by people’s perceptions of you or even your negative circumstances or reputation. Proactivity is possible because of self-awareness and choice. Unlike animals, who are driven by their primal instincts, humans can exercise self-awareness and choice not only in how they “react” to any given stimulus, but also in what they choose to proactively do.

Proactivity is exemplified in the life and legacy of Victor Frankl. Although Frankl was imprisoned in a death camp and suffered horrible injustice, he became an inspiration to many. He acted upon the one human freedom that even his Nazi captors could not take away: the freedom to choose his response. By exercising this choice, Frankl began to discipline his mind and emotions until he developed even more freedom than his captors. They had liberty to choose from a greater pool of options, but he discovered the freedom to choose who to become within his limited options. By proactively choosing to be kind, encouraging, and patient, he went on to inspire thousands. While he was neither wealthy nor outwardly successful, Frankl exemplified true effectiveness. He transformed his character.

Being proactive empowers us to create the reality we want. For example, if you want a better job, a loving and enriching marriage, and enduring happiness, you can choose to be a better employee, a more empathetic and loving spouse, and discover what makes you truly happy. Self-awareness and choice are the basis of proactivity. As long as we fail to exercise these freedoms, we remain dependent on people and circumstances to solve our problems and give us what we want. Understanding this insight is the foundation for all the others.  

When building a home, every detail is thoughtfully visualized, planned, and blueprinted before a hammer ever hits a nail. To begin with the end in mind is to start the journey knowing the destination. It means determining up front where and how our proactive energy should be spent.

To begin with the end in mind ensures that nothing we do will violate what we’ve already determined to be supremely important. It gives us peace of mind knowing that each step in our lives will contribute to our overall vision. When our actions are based on our core values we become leaders. Most people, even successful ones, tend to operate as managers of their lives. A manager cares about completing the tasks at hand. A leader, on the other hand, not only cares about completing the tasks, but knows which tasks are worth taking on in the first place. When we develop personal leadership, we create a vision for where we are going. Once we have a vision for ourselves, we can use our management skills to accomplish our day-to-day goals.

One way to begin with the end in mind is to create a personal mission statement. This statement should encompass who you want to be (your character) and what you want to do (your contributions and achievements). When drafting your mission statement, identify the values and principles upon which your life will be based. Additionally, some people have found it helpful to use the visualization exercise of picturing their own funeral. Imagine that you are attending your own funeral, with four people offering reflections on the life you’ve lived: a close friend, a family member, a co-worker, and a member from your community or church. What would each of these guests say about who you were (character) and what you did (contributions and achievements)? By imagining your end, you quickly discover your deepest values. 

The skill of prioritization is only fruitful after you have developed your personal mission statement and personal leadership. The purpose of personal management and prioritization is to discipline your independent will so that you can execute your unique mission. It is easy to get stuck in the weeds of reactive problem-solving and crisis management. Most of us would readily admit that we enjoy checking off boxes and completing our ever-growing to-do lists, but we must remember why we want to accomplish what we do. A principle-centered personal manager implements boundaries to protect their commitments and can easily decline non-priority tasks. This is a core principle of effective personal management.

Putting first things first will help you spend your time and energy in ways that serve your core values, personal mission statement, and principle-centered vision for effective living. Additionally, you will build an internal system of integrity as you spend your time on activities that accomplish your short- and long-term goals.

The habit of prioritization will help you to harmonize your time with your values. If you decide that you value being a husband, mother, teacher, or community organizer, you can then determine how best to organize your time. Getting your priorities straight can also help you to find balance in your schedule. For example, if your time and energy are focused solely on producing, you will eventually burn out, thus decreasing your ability to produce at all—what a terrible irony! Unfortunately, the current time management paradigm prioritizes only urgent tasks, so we forget to schedule activities that renew us. Renewal activities aren't urgent; therefore, they feel lower priority. What a shame this is! To be effective, not just efficient, we must manage our time in the context of our long-term mission and what we value most.

When it comes to conflict, the most effective approach will always be one that seeks the benefit and satisfaction of each party involved. Oftentimes, emotional reactions to conflict are so strong that making a principle-based decision feels difficult. When people see conflict as competition, instead of an opportunity for cooperation, they assume there is only a limited amount of pie and everyone has to fight for a piece. This kind of zero-sum thinking is grounded in self-protection and lacks the awareness of mutual benefit.

On the other hand, if you are naturally passive, you may choose the path of least resistance. This response to conflict is still based on competition. In the name of peace, you may allow the other person to override your opinions and feeling altogether, raising the white flag before you even start. Interpersonal maturity is the proper balance between considering your needs and the needs of the other person and taking the time to seek a cooperative solution.

Empathic communication emphasizes the character of the listener. If listening techniques are not anchored to a character of integrity and honesty, they tend to be contrived and manipulative. For example, if your fundamental character is duplicitous and unstable, you might appear phony to others if you express a sudden desire to understand them.

This approach to listening boils down to the practice of seeking first to understand another person with a pure desire. To do this, we need to avoid planning our response to the listener while they are sharing. It is important to understand what they are saying and feeling first. There will be plenty of time to respond later. It is also common for the listener, in an attempt to relate, either to interject with their personal experience or to offer cheap advice. It takes discipline and a strong character to let go of these listening patterns.

The pure desire to understand encourages the other person to be vulnerable and open with you, which ultimately builds trust. You cannot “will” your way into having a pure desire. It does not work like that. Once again, the principled approach to effective living always involves personal character first. Thus, it is only a person of integrity, honesty, and interpersonal maturity who can seek to understand with a pure desire.

Once you begin to listen with a pure desire, free from self-interest, you may, paradoxically, find yourself experiencing great joy. The well-known maxim, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” could be the culprit here. By seeking first to understand a person, not just intellectually but also emotionally, you will meet their fundamental need to be affirmed, validated, and appreciated. By doing this, you will create deep reservoirs of trust that will benefit not just the other person but you as well.

What’s the point of trying to fell a tree with a dull saw? It would consume far less time and energy to simply sharpen the saw. Like the saw, each of us requires sharpening. To practice this, you will need to devote the necessary time and energy to renew each dimension of your life.

We can renew our physical bodies by consistently exercising, eating well, and getting an adequate amount of sleep and rest. We develop our proactive muscles by taking care of our long-term health and making decisions based upon sound principles instead of feelings. Taking care of our bodies improves our capacity to work, adapt, and enjoy life. 

To practice spiritual renewal is to make sure that our inner guidance and power are sourced in a principle-centered paradigm. Essentially, spiritual renewal reminds us of our priorities; it will challenge us to revise our personal mission statement and commitment to principle-centered living. We need spiritual renewal to cleanse us from the scripting of the current social paradigm and from the expectation, pressures, and scripts that others project onto us. Some ideas for spiritual renewal include spending time in nature, revising our personal mission statement, meditating, creating art, praying, and even serving others. Additionally, we can renew our minds by reading good literature, writing in a journal, learning something new, or even limiting the amount of time we spend watching television.

To practice social renewal, we need to remember the principles of interpersonal leadership, including cooperation and empathic listening. These habits catalyze trust in our relationships. We need to remind ourselves of our deepest values and personal mission statement when choosing our renewal activities. For example, we can renew our commitment to service by getting involved in a meaningful project or by calling a friend with the intention to listen and understand. Practicing social renewal is as simple as finding creative ways to integrate principled living into our daily social interactions.

Practicing living based on principles is an ongoing cycle. You will repeatedly learn, commit, and do. And when rooted in principles, your very character—and thus your actions and attitudes—will naturally bear the fruit of effective living.

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