Suppose you could essentially rewire your brain’s approach to dealing with everyday anxiety, stress, and even fear. Russ Harris proposes this is possible through the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) program, which helps the mind combat what he describes as the Happiness Trap. It can also help our minds expand and allow room for every feeling and emotion.

The Happiness Trap is something you may not even be aware of, yet most of us are susceptible to it. Evolution and society have set this trap by causing us to constantly criticize ourselves and compare our lives to the lives of others around us. In our society, we rely heavily on the approval of others without even realizing it. When we don’t “measure up” we try to think positively and tell ourselves to “be happy” and “be positive.” We are told positive thinking will overcome most fears and struggles, but this is not always enough.

To break out of the trap and the vicious cycle it creates, we must allow ourselves to feel all feelings, not just the positive ones. This is an uncomfortable idea for many people. Naturally, no one wants to feel pain, grief, or anxiety. However, in order to lead a complete and fulfilling life, we must live through a full range of emotions and feelings. It is how we choose to approach these feelings that could calm our anxiety and fears.

Unfortunately, our thoughts are not easy to control. The only thing we have total control over is our actions. If we take action to combat negative thoughts and feelings, we may be able to control our thoughts in a more constructive manner. ACT encourages us to step outside of our “comfort zone” and accept unpleasant thoughts without suppressing them. 

The six core principles of ACT are defusion, expansion, connection, the observing self, values, and committed action. When put into action, all or a variety of these principles will help the mind become psychologically flexible. If we stop and observe our feelings while we are having them, we can assess if they will help our lives become more or less fulfilling.  

ACT  requires patience and the realization that accepting negative or unpleasant thoughts will not happen on the first try. By attempting a variation of ACT’s principles, we can begin to retrain our brains to accept all of our feelings and emotions. Each person may benefit from one or more of the techniques. Finding what works best for your mind may require trial and error, and there is no set timeline for achieving self-awareness. 

If we wish to defuse our thoughts, we must learn to approach them in a new way that does not overwhelm every aspect of our lives. Once we can do this, there is room for expansion, or the acceptance of unpleasant thoughts or feelings. Many people rely on control strategies to rid themselves of unwanted feelings. These strategies only work in the short term. Defusion is the ability to accept negative thoughts or feelings in our mind. We notice them and allow them to exist, but do not dwell on them. Thus, we are able to increase self-awareness, enabling us to focus on things outside of the negative feeling or emotion.  

The official ACT phrase is “Contact with the Present Moment,” which leads us to connection.  How often do we go through our daily lives without fully connecting to the present moment?  The answer is almost constantly. Whether we are distracted by technology such as our smartphones or simply wonder what is next on our daily agenda, we rarely take the time to live in the exact moment. Connecting to the present moment allows us to slow down and see, smell, taste, hear, and feel our lives more completely. 

Next we learn of the observing self, which has only recently been addressed in modern psychology. When we are able to step back mentally and observe our lives rather than overthinking them, we connect to each individual moment in a new way. Focusing on observing the present rather than thinking of what we have to do next allows us to appreciate seemingly mundane experiences. Let's say you take the same walk on your lunch break every day. Chances are you are thinking of things you have to do later that day, something that happened earlier, or going over a mental checklist of some sort. However, if you stop to observe your surroundings by seeing, hearing, and even smelling the things you don’t notice every day, you will feel more fulfilled in the long run.

Values are essential to the ACT approach. Values such as acting with kindness, improving relationships, and personal development keep us focused while helping us to achieve our goals. The root of our committed actions, or actions we take again and again despite any setbacks, lies in our values. While we set goals for ourselves that we may or may not achieve, our values remain constant and tethered to our desires for the future. Staying focused on our values can also make us more likely to achieve our goals, if we are sure to set goals directly related to our values. Such goals will be personally meaningful to us. 

On the other hand, many people live driven to reach specific goals.  Naturally, we will always set goals for ourselves. But a goals-driven life yields a feeling of never having enough. We achieve one goal and immediately feel the urge to attain the next, without enjoying each milestone. Another negative aspect of a goals-driven life is the inability to accept failure. Before even attempting a new endeavor, we recognize the possibility that we may not succeed. As long as we rely on our values, we are able to see past these failures and improve upon them. 

Our set of values is the very thing that motivates us. Our values are strong, constant, and help us to make decisions while providing meaning to our lives. When we live life guided by our values, we are more open to find joy and a desire to keep moving in a positive direction. 

Russ Harris introduces something he calls the “Struggle Switch.” This is an imaginary switch in the back of the brain that registers how we will react to a negative feeling or emotion. What if the negative feeling that arises is anxiety? If the struggle switch is on, we automatically amplify our anxiety by focusing on the feeling and trying desperately to relieve ourselves of it. If the switch is off and anxiety creeps in, we don’t struggle with it. Instead, we recognize it is there and learn to adapt to the situation with anxiety by our side. We cannot lose it entirely, merely accept its presence and deny the negative feeling the ability to overcome us.

Russ Harris uses quicksand as an analogy to help illustrate the struggle switch. In a situation such as quicksand, the more you struggle the worse your situation becomes. While this struggle seems instinctual, we must allow ourselves to ease the resistance in order to get out of the quicksand. Difficult feelings also present us with a similar situation. If the struggle switch is on, the worse our situation becomes. Instead, if we ease the urge to resist and turn off the struggle switch, the more manageable the feelings become.

This may seem like a monumental task for someone with anxiety. It is extremely difficult to turn a switch off that we usually have on. But if we allow the mind to make room for anxiety or whatever the unpleasant feeling is (grief, fear, pain), it no longer takes control of our lives. We accept the unpleasant feeling is there. We allow it to exist along with us, acknowledge it, and then move on.

When anxiety, fear, depression, or other unpleasant feelings approach, we often feel physical symptoms such as rapid heart beat or shallow breathing. We can address this by focusing on our breathing and slowing everything down. Doing so enables our minds to recover. By connecting with our breath, by feeling the rise and fall of our chest, by slowly inhaling and exhaling, we instantly reduce the level of tension in our bodies.

Breathing exercises do not act as a control mechanism over the mind. But they do ease anxiety and tension and help us to connect with the mind. For people who breathe particularly rapidly, taking slow, deliberate breaths may cause dizziness at first. With practice it will become more natural, and therefore beneficial.

Breathing is not the only technique to help rewire our brains to make room to accept negative or unpleasant thoughts. Self-talk can also help. It can be helpful to use phrases such as “I have the feeling of….” or “This is an unpleasant thought, but I can accept it.” Saying these things does not automatically lead to acceptance, as your mind must be open and willing to allow room for the feelings.

Imagery may also help us accept unpleasant feelings or thoughts. In other words, turning the negative thought into an object and then mentally observing it will help with acceptance. Visualizing an emotion as an object and then noticing its properties allows the mind to “grasp” the emotion, thereby being more willing to make room for it.

Willingness is absolutely essential for every improvement we seek to make in our lives. We must be willing to change and adapt, and be willing to try something new, or to let something go that does not work for us. We must be willing to allow unpleasant thoughts or feelings to dwell in our minds from time to time. If we constantly try to suppress these thoughts or ignore them, then our unwillingness to accept them hinders our ability to deal with life’s obstacles. 

We all struggle with willingness from time to time. How we overcome our lack of willingness allows us to improve our situations and strive to achieve our values-focused goals. We have to be willing to accept that we may fail. But we also must be willing to accept that we can make room for the failure and use it to inspire future goals and actions.

While there is no foolproof or surefire method to achieve total “psychological flexibility,” ACT is a powerful method that allows us to enhance our overall mental health. Let’s take a look at the basic ACT formula:

         A = Accept your thoughts and feelings and be present

         C = Connect with your values

         T = Take effective action

We will no doubt encounter obstacles and setbacks  in our lives. How we approach them will determine our success or failure. By practicing the techniques presented, we hope to become one with our mind and all that it has done for us and will continue to do. Allowing anxiety, grief, or depression to reside in the mind without taking over enhances our self-awareness and ability to reach fulfillment.

Unless we make room for all different types of emotions and feelings, we are stuck in the happiness trap. If only it were as simple as maintaining the delusion that “positive thinking” will help us achieve our goals. Positive thinking is essential for a healthy mind, but happiness cannot be achieved by hoping and wishing. We must take actions based on our values and break free from the happiness trap.  

Instead of focusing on the past that we cannot change or on the future we cannot possibly see, we must focus on the present. This is the only thing we have control over. How we approach it is up to us, but allowing room for all of our emotions and feelings will create the ability to grow in the present and future. The one thing we can recognize as essential to this journey is the importance of our values. Our values will be there to help guide the way toward psychological flexibility.